Personal Distortion

This is not what I am.

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Every time I listen to a recording of my own voice, I experience the same disturbing feeling: my recorded voice is not what it should be. I don’t think that is the way I sound at all. At the same time, everyone else’s voices seem to sound just right. Everybody sounds normal but me, and they all tell me that I sound just like the recording. There are two ways out of this confusion: nobody knows how I really sound, or something is disturbing my perception of my own voice. I am right or they are right. Majority usually rules, and things are accepted as true when most people believe they are. I don’t want to believe I am the silly voice in the recording just because everybody tells me so, but I think this time they could be right. Thing is, the sound I hear when I speak comes at me from two different sources. The exterior one -through the air- is the one everybody else gets to hear, and the interior one, traveling up my neck and head until it reaches my inner ear, invisible to the rest of the world, intimate and lonely, never makes it out of my body. The inner sound of my voice is one of those things that I will never ever find a way to share. I guess it’s fine, it’s the same for all of us. Truth is a matter of perspective; it might be that I know how I really sound thanks to the aid of recording technologies, or it could be that the real, true, dark, sexy, smooth tone of my voice is to remain hidden from the limited perception of others, just like those misterious creatures, casting their enlongated shadows into the cave of Plato.

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